


"Please don't shut me out."

by evakuality



Series: tumblr dialogue prompts [7]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 09:17:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18443567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evakuality/pseuds/evakuality
Summary: His arms straining, Matteo pulls as hard as he can on the door.  Unfortunately, the equal pressure on the other side is exhausting his energy, and he can feel it slipping, slow motion as inch by inch it gives way.  Laughing, gasping for breath, Matteo slumps as the force finally turns against him and the door thuds shut.  Matteo beats his fists on it in mock horror.“Nooooo.  Jonas!  Please don’t shut me out!”Aka the one where Jonas wants to talk a bit but Matteo doesn't think he needs it.





	"Please don't shut me out."

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the tumblr prompt: could you do a mix of 45 and 67 with Matteo and Jonas? Which was: “Please don’t shut me out.” and “If you don’t want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.” Though I played with the second one a little to make it fit into the rhythm of what I was doing. 
> 
> Basically, I'm not okay after today's clip and I'm posting this little thing onto ao3 in case other people want something too. It's technically an au I guess since Jonas isn't really quite this clued in just at the moment but in that au world where Jonas is a bit more observant, this takes place sometime before the Thursday date.

His arms straining, Matteo pulls as hard as he can on the door.  Unfortunately, the equal pressure on the other side is exhausting his energy, and he can feel it slipping, in slow motion as inch by inch it gives way.  Laughing, gasping for breath, Matteo slumps as the force finally turns against him and the door thuds shut.  Matteo beats his fists on it in mock horror.   **  
**

“Nooooo.  Jonas!  Please don’t shut me out!”

The giggles from the other side of the door intensify.  “You brought it on yourself.  Imagine implying that cats are better than dogs!”

“But Jonas, they are!  How can you not like something so fluffy and soft and independent?”

Matteo is still breathless from laughing, so he ends up sliding down the door, too tired to keep his legs from melting under him.  Despite the unusually high levels of exercise he’s been getting lately, Matteo is still embarrassingly unfit.  Thinking of exercise reminds him of David and he smiles.  Fluffy, soft and independent sums him up too.  And mysterious, intelligent and a little bit aloof.  Just like cats. 

“And mysterious, intelligent and a bit aloof,” Matteo adds.  

He’s proud of the way his breathing has returned to normal, much faster than usual.  He’s getting fitter, which is really quite nice.  Jonas, on the other side of the door, lets out a very audible disgruntled grunt.

“But dogs are at least loyal, and you know what you’re getting with them.”

Even though he knows Jonas can’t see him, Matteo shrugs, letting out a final bubble of laughter.

“I can’t help it if you’re just wrong.”

Growling, the amusement still clear in his voice, Jonas says, “I can hold this door shut all day.  You have to admit defeat sometime.”

“Nope,” Matteo says, leaning his head back against the door.  “I’m good out here.  Just chilling by myself.”

Which … Matteo is startled to realize is actually true.  He’s genuinely happy by himself.  Jonas may be on the other side of the door which negates the feelings a little this time.  But he’s not quite so anxious about it as he can be.  The fog that’s been dogging Matteo for so long, cutting him off from so much, has started lifting sometimes and Matteo feels a small peace.  That fog isn’t gone completely, of course, but there is a new awareness that it’s not actually the end of the world to find himself chilling just with himself.  It doesn’t feel like such a punishment as if he’s been shunted aside and ignored.  

“No Sara to come pick you up, though.”  Jonas’s voice cuts into Matteo’s thoughts and he shakes himself a little.  Because as much as being alone isn’t as bad as he’s sometimes found it, being with other people is actually quite nice too.  Jonas’s tone is softer, more packed with meaning though, and Matteo is dragged back into the mundane reality of the cold door at his back and where he should be unhappy that he broke up with Sara.  Sobering, the final snort of his laughter drying up at the memory of his ex, Matteo tries to hedge.

“Don’t need her,” he says, trying to project a decent amount of confidence into his own voice.  With no body language it’s that much harder to hide.  “She’s a bit clingy and I dunno … I wasn’t really feeling it.”

Matteo can hear the way Jonas shuffles on the other side of the door, the soft thump as if he, too, has slid down and is now leaning back to back with Matteo.  He’s grateful, doesn’t want to have to do this while looking Jonas in the eye.  Because as hard as not using body language is, faking right to Jonas’s face is harder, the bravado harder to make convincing.  Apparently he’s not been all that convincing anyway.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you can say so,” Jonas says.  “I’m not going to force anything.”

Matteo flushes, feels the shame of keeping secrets from his friend.  He’s been distancing himself for so long that this should be easy, like a practiced dance.  But it’s hard, now that Jonas is showing his care again, to keep the things he needs close to his chest.  Talking about Sara … that’s almost easy.  Navigating the delicate line between the overwhelming relief he feels and the way he knows he should feel is almost achievable.  

Matteo hums, tries to be as noncommittal as he can.  But the big thing, the things that’s swamping his senses and his thoughts, is David and all the new emotions that have come along with him.  The painful squeeze that would wrap his chest in a vice every time he thought about Jonas is gone, lifting a huge weight off Matteo.  But in its place is something a lot more complex and a lot more real.  Confronting.  But there’s a gulf, because he can’t talk to Jonas about it.  The door is as much a symbolic as a physical barrier.

“Look,” Jonas says, as if responding to Matteo’s thoughts, “I’m really not going to push, but Carlos pointed out how weird you’ve been lately and I started to notice it too.  So, you know.  You don’t have to lie and pretend to be fine when you aren’t.”

Matteo doesn’t know quite what to say.  There was a time, and one that wasn’t so long ago, when he’d have given anything to hear words like that from Jonas.  But right now he feels okay.  He’s happy enough, the debilitating weight not as pressing anymore.  The small budding thing he has with David is too fragile and too precious to expose to the world just yet.  Even when that world consists of his best friend.

“Thanks,” he says quietly, hoping that Jonas can tell that he means it.  “I’m really okay though.  Sara … it was nice, but it wasn’t real.  It was never going anywhere.”

Matteo can hear the thump as Jonas apparently nods, and the tiny, “ouch,” that accompanies it.  He grins.  “Don’t think you can distract me though.  I’ll convince you on the cat vs dog issue, just wait and see.”

Jonas laughs.  “You’ll be out there all night if you think that, so I hope you’re comfortable.”

Settling himself more firmly against the door, Matteo chuckles.  “Game on,” he says.  “You’re not winning this one.”


End file.
